[He loves and adores Ella, even if he hasn't said that he actually loves her quite yet. He hopes that his actions show that, but he's still not sure that she knows the true depth of his feelings for her.
However, since the rescue from Veracity, one out of every three nights, he finds himself pulled from sleep by soft cries and sobbing that doesn't quite wake her. He's spoken with Doctor McCoy about finding someone for her to speak with about what happened to her. And now, another night has come where she's crying in her sleep and he pulls her into his arms. When she calms down, he gently shakes her after placing a kiss to the top of her head.]
[ her nightmares aren't that different than her memories of the pit. there's no need for her mind to make it any more frightening when she was terrified the entire time. she'd stayed calm in a way that never truly reflected how she was feeling, it just seemed like there was always someone more upset who needed her to keep herself together.
it's why she so easily loses herself to her fears when she relives it, crying in her sleep to make up for the emotion she'd refused to let show in the moment. she doesn't mean to wake him, nor does she want it to be the recurring issue it's become. she isn't even aware of how intense it is until he wakes her, and even when she's safe in her arms she holds him a little tighter as she blinks back into consciousness.
she feels like she's home when he's with her, but the memory of that dream leaves her trembling in his hold on her.]
[It's not, but he's certainly not going to say anything like that. He loves her and wants her to be okay. She is not, so he is not.
He continues to hold her against his body, running one hand over her back to calm her down. Once he's sure that she's awake and calmer, he sits up and pulls her with him so that she is leaning against his chest.]
You've been dreaming about your time in the pits of Veracity again, haven't you?
[He looks at the wall across from the bed, trying to get his mind to figure out how to string the right words together.]
I think that speaking with someone might help. I'm more than willing to be that person, but I believe that there are people who have the correct training who might be of more help, Ella.
[ Ella can only nod in response to Kit's question, unable to find the words to confess what she's been dreaming. she had wanted to move on with her life here after he'd rescued her, and she still sees so much to look forward to. it bothers her to dwell in something painful - she tries to focus on hope, and love, and making the most of her time here.
but then those thoughts find her when she's sleeping, and those uninvited reminders are jarring and painful. she rubs a hand over her eyes, reaching over to turn on the light on the table beside her.]
You're suggesting I speak to a doctor?
[ being a receptionist at Haven has taught her about mental heath services. she just - she feels a bit vulnerable thinking about using them for herself. surely there are others who need the support more than she does, and she'd hate to waste anyone's time.
she is certain there are others who were stuck in the pit who suffered much more than she did. it shouldn't haunt her like this.]
So many people were hurt, Kit. Some - lost their lives.
[ that it was temporary doesn't change the trauma they experienced.]
[When the light comes on, he can see how her lack of sleep has been affecting her. She's still so beautiful that her looks are hardly touched, but she she's so visibly tired and sad. He doesn't hesitate to touch her face, running his thumb under her eyes softly, reverently.]
Yes, I would appreciate it if you would speak with a doctor. I did speak to Doctor McCoy recently and he said that he could try to find someone who would be a good fit to speak with you.
[He knows that she values herself below others, but to see it in action feels like a physical blow to himself]
I will always come and fight for you, but there is no shame in speaking with someone. I myself spent a great deal of time praying and speaking with the bishop at the palace after returning from the front.
And others suffering doesn't lessen your own. It might not be the same, but it isn't less than because you didn't die.
[His hold on her tightens as he remembers seeing her bruised, dirty and hurt when he found her in that pit. It's something that he can't escape himself, but he's spoken to Leonard and is dealing with his own anger at all the events.]
If it would make you feel better, I could come with you.
Did you find peace in prayer? In speaking with the bishop?
[ what she's asking has little to do with her own experience. she might like to know how it helped him, but she also wants to know what comforts him and where he finds peace. there's still so much she doesn't know about him that she seizes every opportunity she can to learn more.
and yet it hits differently to hear him say what he does. she always words it so carefully - she doesn't talk about death in those exact terms. she's never acknowledged that she easily could have died there; that they all could have.
that her biggest fear was the possibility of losing someone she cared for right in front of her. she tilts her head, burying it in his neck for a moment. she leaves a kiss or two there, but he might feel the warmth of a few stray tears, too.
she pulls back with a sigh that quivers with emotion.]
Oh, my sweet Kit. I don't understand why I'm still struggling with this. I'm - I'm finally happy here - you're here.
[ and yet she looks like she might fall apart all over again.]
Yes, I do. [He gives her a small hug.] Confession and speaking to the bishop is incredibly helpful for my own mental health. I can be more honest in confession and it has helped me to come to terms with things that might have festered if I hadn't done so.
[His mother's death, his father's illness, his uncle's pressuring him to get married to someone he doesn't know, the things he saw in battle, the men whose lives he took.
If he's honest with himself, and he tries to be, he knows that something worse could have easily happen to Ella while she was kidnapped. He knows of at least one death while they were taken and that many were abused and beaten. Kit just thanks God that she's safe and in his arms. Now, he needs to make sure that she doesn't drive herself crazy with lack of restful sleep. If it takes her crying on him, he's man enough to let her cry and cling to him without letting it make him feel useless.]
Ella, you can be happy with us and unhappy over what happened to you. [He kisses her gently, pulling her closer against his chest.] I don't blame you, you know. I never would.
Sometimes I do. [ she blames herself for the way this follows her into her dreams. was it a weakness in her that caused it? over the years, her stepmother had made her begin to feel like a creature that dwelled in the darkness. is that why these miserable thoughts won't leave her?
Ella even feels silly for the tears spilled against him, for troubling with this. and yet with him it is easier to understand that he doesn't see her that way. this is a support she's never known before, someone to hold her and endure this alongside her. she feels closer to him than she ever has to anyone.
but of course she does, because Ella is aware of how much she loves him. not saying it doesn't change what she feels.
and since she believes he loves her in return, she doesn't want to keep doing this to Kit.]
I can speak to the doctors at Haven, to try to ... [ she trails off for a moment, uncertain.] To find someone.
I can tell that, you know. You are harder on yourself than anyone else. Even those who deserve it.
[It would be easy for any person to be unkind to her stepmother and stepsisters, but she doesn't even say anything truly against them. While it's a lovely trait, he does wonder if that's something that won't be taken advantage of by someone else if she cannot stand up for herself adequately.
Kit doesn't like that thought, but he understands that it comes from his desire to keep her safe and happy. And that means pushing her, gently, when she needs to be reminded that she should be taking care of herself as well.]
I want you to do it for yourself as much as I think you're doing this for me. [He tilts her face up so that he can look into her eyes. They're a little red from crying, but that's not important. She's still beautiful in his eyes, but that's probably because he sees her for who she is on the inside.] It's flattering that you, a kind and headstrong woman who has defied a great deal of conventions both back home and here, are willing to do what I ask of you. I just want you to also remember to be kind to yourself, as well as others.
[ Ella nearly opens her mouth to argue that she is doing this for herself as much as she is for him, until she quickly realizes that it isn't true. she sighs instead, leaning into the touch of his hand and savoring the warmth he offers her. it's been a long time since she was a priority for anyone, and in having three people to take care of at home, she hasn't been a priority to herself in all the years since her father's passing, either.
her situation isn't one without progress, though. she did stop working so many jobs to focus on the two closest to her heart. and she signed a contract with Kit that would benefit her independence to the extent the city would allow.
but she sees his point, and nods.] I think that kindness might take some time for me to get used to again. [ sometimes she doesn't even realize when she's neglecting her own needs.]
Back home, when I was upset I would lose myself in the memories of the happiest moments of my life. [ the past made her heart feel full, and that was enough.] Now that you're here, I've realized there is happiness ahead of us, too. I'd hate to miss out on it.
[ so he's right, of course he is. this is the best thing she could do for herself right now.]
[He can't help but give her a tired smile as she seems to absorb what he's said. He would have endured more sleepless nights if it would help her, but they both know it would do more damage to the both of them than good.]
I intend to give you as much kindness as you can handle, Ella. You deserve much more, but the system here is a bit restrictive. Besides, it is my job to make sure that you are taking care of yourself so that you can take care of me.
[He's only half joking because he's not sure that he would have found a submissive so quickly that he could trust if she hadn't been here. Or care for so easily.]
[ she laughs softly, amused at the point he's made. if he was completely joking it might break her heart; there's nothing she wants more than for the two of them to take care of each other.
it's that thought that prompts Ella to tilt her head towards his, capturing his lips in a slow, gentle kiss. she means to break away after a moment - honestly, it was her original intention - but she finds herself parting her lips to deepen the kiss instead.]
I suppose that I'm more than just a smart ass then. My father will be so proud of me.
[Kit is more than willing to make jokes at the expense of his own ego. Since the moment he saw her, she's turned his head and made him reconsider everything around him. So, if she needs him to a little silly to help her feel better, it is the absolute least he can do.
When she begins to kiss him, he tangles his hands in her hair, pulling her so that she is straddling his lap. He lets it go on for a while, slowly grinding against her as they make out. He breaks away with a lazy smile.] I see you have no plans of going back to sleep.
[ she leans into the way he grinds up, her hips rocking just enough to let that friction build. it's not that she doesn't intend to sleep, at the moment rest just seems far less enjoyable than the heat building between them. Ella drops her lips against his neck as he teases her, laughing into his skin while she leaves hot, sucking kisses along his throat.
taking a moment to breathe might be wise, because when she finally pulls back, her smile is predictably a breathless one. she beams up at him anyway, all bright eyes and messy curls.]
Oh, I do. But I've found making love with you has a way of making me sleepy. You have a tendency to wear me out.
[ she could argue he's taking excellent care of her right now, but her lips press against his instead.]
[Kit lets his head fall to the side so that she can get better access while one hand slips to cup a breast and play with the nipple. He loves her breasts, high and soft, tipped with responsive nipples that he can suck and tease to points. Which he does as he stares up at her.]
And you intend to sleep well after all. [He cracks a smile at her as she leans in to kiss him. While she's so consumed, he traces her soft skin with the calloused tips of his fingers until he finds the tight little bundle of nerves between her thighs and begins to massage it in an erratic pattern.] I do as well.
[ she finds herself smiling more often than not with Kit around. though this time if she manages a smile it shifts quickly into the muffled sound of a moan. her mouth works against his throat in a wild, ceaseless assault of kisses and nips, something she barely bothers to break away from as her hand slips between them.
she has the shape of his cock memorized by now, and similarly, the fit of him inside of her. and yet she's not really one to fall into a routine, always exploring him with her touch before she finds a pace she likes. tonight, it's a dedicated echo of the way he touches her.] I intend to have my way with you first, though. [ it's a silly thing to inform him of, playful and a bit scattered from the pleasure she gets from his fingers and the way she rocks her hips.]
Let me - [ she moves her hand and gently guides his away, until she's perched right over his cock to grind against it, getting him slick with the arousal he's created with his talented fingers. it's a tease, and perhaps a shameless one, but she'd like to have him inside her soon. in the meantime, using his cock to prepare them both certainly has her pulse racing.] Sometimes you don't realize what you do to me.
[His cock jumps in her hand, a sensation he feels from his toes to the tips of his hair. The fact that he's had her already that night and many nights before doesn't lessen the excitement of her touch on his body. Especially not when she's touching him like this.
His breath catches in his throat when she starts to grind down on him.]
You plan to drive us crazy first. It's some sort of cruel payback, I think.
[ he tends to have her most nights and mornings; it just so happens that she can barely manage the control needed to restrain herself when they share a bed. she's never left him wanting before and she doesn't intend to now, though it's a bit cruel when she bites back a laugh at his words.
he drives her crazy whether she teases him or not. but sitting perched on top of him, her hips working over his cock when she's longing to be filled is as much of a tease for her as it is for him. she gets him slick with her arousal, feeling him hard and heavy against her, and after a bit of fun it seems like they've both suffered enough.]
I'm not sure you're ready to hear the things I might do if I truly wanted payback.
[ there's a confidence to those words - a promise wrapped up in a sensual suggestion she's become at peace with here. she lifts up, stroking him in her hand for a moment before she aligns them, and then sinks down until she's fully seated on his cock, breathing a sigh of relief to have him within her.]
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Action; November 1st
Date: 2022-11-06 03:52 am (UTC)However, since the rescue from Veracity, one out of every three nights, he finds himself pulled from sleep by soft cries and sobbing that doesn't quite wake her. He's spoken with Doctor McCoy about finding someone for her to speak with about what happened to her. And now, another night has come where she's crying in her sleep and he pulls her into his arms. When she calms down, he gently shakes her after placing a kiss to the top of her head.]
Ella, please wake up.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-06 04:27 am (UTC)it's why she so easily loses herself to her fears when she relives it, crying in her sleep to make up for the emotion she'd refused to let show in the moment. she doesn't mean to wake him, nor does she want it to be the recurring issue it's become. she isn't even aware of how intense it is until he wakes her, and even when she's safe in her arms she holds him a little tighter as she blinks back into consciousness.
she feels like she's home when he's with her, but the memory of that dream leaves her trembling in his hold on her.]
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-06 04:42 am (UTC)[It's not, but he's certainly not going to say anything like that. He loves her and wants her to be okay. She is not, so he is not.
He continues to hold her against his body, running one hand over her back to calm her down. Once he's sure that she's awake and calmer, he sits up and pulls her with him so that she is leaning against his chest.]
You've been dreaming about your time in the pits of Veracity again, haven't you?
[He looks at the wall across from the bed, trying to get his mind to figure out how to string the right words together.]
I think that speaking with someone might help. I'm more than willing to be that person, but I believe that there are people who have the correct training who might be of more help, Ella.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-06 05:14 am (UTC)but then those thoughts find her when she's sleeping, and those uninvited reminders are jarring and painful. she rubs a hand over her eyes, reaching over to turn on the light on the table beside her.]
You're suggesting I speak to a doctor?
[ being a receptionist at Haven has taught her about mental heath services. she just - she feels a bit vulnerable thinking about using them for herself. surely there are others who need the support more than she does, and she'd hate to waste anyone's time.
she is certain there are others who were stuck in the pit who suffered much more than she did. it shouldn't haunt her like this.]
So many people were hurt, Kit. Some - lost their lives.
[ that it was temporary doesn't change the trauma they experienced.]
I was very lucky. I had you fighting for me.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-06 05:24 am (UTC)Yes, I would appreciate it if you would speak with a doctor. I did speak to Doctor McCoy recently and he said that he could try to find someone who would be a good fit to speak with you.
[He knows that she values herself below others, but to see it in action feels like a physical blow to himself]
I will always come and fight for you, but there is no shame in speaking with someone. I myself spent a great deal of time praying and speaking with the bishop at the palace after returning from the front.
And others suffering doesn't lessen your own. It might not be the same, but it isn't less than because you didn't die.
[His hold on her tightens as he remembers seeing her bruised, dirty and hurt when he found her in that pit. It's something that he can't escape himself, but he's spoken to Leonard and is dealing with his own anger at all the events.]
If it would make you feel better, I could come with you.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-06 05:46 am (UTC)[ what she's asking has little to do with her own experience. she might like to know how it helped him, but she also wants to know what comforts him and where he finds peace. there's still so much she doesn't know about him that she seizes every opportunity she can to learn more.
and yet it hits differently to hear him say what he does. she always words it so carefully - she doesn't talk about death in those exact terms. she's never acknowledged that she easily could have died there; that they all could have.
that her biggest fear was the possibility of losing someone she cared for right in front of her. she tilts her head, burying it in his neck for a moment. she leaves a kiss or two there, but he might feel the warmth of a few stray tears, too.
she pulls back with a sigh that quivers with emotion.]
Oh, my sweet Kit. I don't understand why I'm still struggling with this. I'm - I'm finally happy here - you're here.
[ and yet she looks like she might fall apart all over again.]
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-06 11:27 pm (UTC)[His mother's death, his father's illness, his uncle's pressuring him to get married to someone he doesn't know, the things he saw in battle, the men whose lives he took.
If he's honest with himself, and he tries to be, he knows that something worse could have easily happen to Ella while she was kidnapped. He knows of at least one death while they were taken and that many were abused and beaten. Kit just thanks God that she's safe and in his arms. Now, he needs to make sure that she doesn't drive herself crazy with lack of restful sleep. If it takes her crying on him, he's man enough to let her cry and cling to him without letting it make him feel useless.]
Ella, you can be happy with us and unhappy over what happened to you. [He kisses her gently, pulling her closer against his chest.] I don't blame you, you know. I never would.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-07 05:19 am (UTC)Ella even feels silly for the tears spilled against him, for troubling with this. and yet with him it is easier to understand that he doesn't see her that way. this is a support she's never known before, someone to hold her and endure this alongside her. she feels closer to him than she ever has to anyone.
but of course she does, because Ella is aware of how much she loves him. not saying it doesn't change what she feels.
and since she believes he loves her in return, she doesn't want to keep doing this to Kit.]
I can speak to the doctors at Haven, to try to ... [ she trails off for a moment, uncertain.] To find someone.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-10 07:18 am (UTC)[It would be easy for any person to be unkind to her stepmother and stepsisters, but she doesn't even say anything truly against them. While it's a lovely trait, he does wonder if that's something that won't be taken advantage of by someone else if she cannot stand up for herself adequately.
Kit doesn't like that thought, but he understands that it comes from his desire to keep her safe and happy. And that means pushing her, gently, when she needs to be reminded that she should be taking care of herself as well.]
I want you to do it for yourself as much as I think you're doing this for me. [He tilts her face up so that he can look into her eyes. They're a little red from crying, but that's not important. She's still beautiful in his eyes, but that's probably because he sees her for who she is on the inside.] It's flattering that you, a kind and headstrong woman who has defied a great deal of conventions both back home and here, are willing to do what I ask of you. I just want you to also remember to be kind to yourself, as well as others.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-12 05:47 am (UTC)her situation isn't one without progress, though. she did stop working so many jobs to focus on the two closest to her heart. and she signed a contract with Kit that would benefit her independence to the extent the city would allow.
but she sees his point, and nods.] I think that kindness might take some time for me to get used to again. [ sometimes she doesn't even realize when she's neglecting her own needs.]
Back home, when I was upset I would lose myself in the memories of the happiest moments of my life. [ the past made her heart feel full, and that was enough.] Now that you're here, I've realized there is happiness ahead of us, too. I'd hate to miss out on it.
[ so he's right, of course he is. this is the best thing she could do for herself right now.]
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-16 01:43 am (UTC)I intend to give you as much kindness as you can handle, Ella. You deserve much more, but the system here is a bit restrictive. Besides, it is my job to make sure that you are taking care of yourself so that you can take care of me.
[He's only half joking because he's not sure that he would have found a submissive so quickly that he could trust if she hadn't been here. Or care for so easily.]
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-19 07:08 am (UTC)[ she laughs softly, amused at the point he's made. if he was completely joking it might break her heart; there's nothing she wants more than for the two of them to take care of each other.
it's that thought that prompts Ella to tilt her head towards his, capturing his lips in a slow, gentle kiss. she means to break away after a moment - honestly, it was her original intention - but she finds herself parting her lips to deepen the kiss instead.]
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-20 03:59 am (UTC)I suppose that I'm more than just a smart ass then. My father will be so proud of me.
[Kit is more than willing to make jokes at the expense of his own ego. Since the moment he saw her, she's turned his head and made him reconsider everything around him. So, if she needs him to a little silly to help her feel better, it is the absolute least he can do.
When she begins to kiss him, he tangles his hands in her hair, pulling her so that she is straddling his lap. He lets it go on for a while, slowly grinding against her as they make out. He breaks away with a lazy smile.] I see you have no plans of going back to sleep.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-20 04:57 am (UTC)taking a moment to breathe might be wise, because when she finally pulls back, her smile is predictably a breathless one. she beams up at him anyway, all bright eyes and messy curls.]
Oh, I do. But I've found making love with you has a way of making me sleepy. You have a tendency to wear me out.
[ she could argue he's taking excellent care of her right now, but her lips press against his instead.]
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-23 07:18 pm (UTC)And you intend to sleep well after all. [He cracks a smile at her as she leans in to kiss him. While she's so consumed, he traces her soft skin with the calloused tips of his fingers until he finds the tight little bundle of nerves between her thighs and begins to massage it in an erratic pattern.] I do as well.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-11-27 06:54 am (UTC)she has the shape of his cock memorized by now, and similarly, the fit of him inside of her. and yet she's not really one to fall into a routine, always exploring him with her touch before she finds a pace she likes. tonight, it's a dedicated echo of the way he touches her.] I intend to have my way with you first, though. [ it's a silly thing to inform him of, playful and a bit scattered from the pleasure she gets from his fingers and the way she rocks her hips.]
Let me - [ she moves her hand and gently guides his away, until she's perched right over his cock to grind against it, getting him slick with the arousal he's created with his talented fingers. it's a tease, and perhaps a shameless one, but she'd like to have him inside her soon. in the meantime, using his cock to prepare them both certainly has her pulse racing.] Sometimes you don't realize what you do to me.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-12-01 06:35 am (UTC)His breath catches in his throat when she starts to grind down on him.]
You plan to drive us crazy first. It's some sort of cruel payback, I think.
(no subject)
Date: 2022-12-13 06:29 am (UTC)he drives her crazy whether she teases him or not. but sitting perched on top of him, her hips working over his cock when she's longing to be filled is as much of a tease for her as it is for him. she gets him slick with her arousal, feeling him hard and heavy against her, and after a bit of fun it seems like they've both suffered enough.]
I'm not sure you're ready to hear the things I might do if I truly wanted payback.
[ there's a confidence to those words - a promise wrapped up in a sensual suggestion she's become at peace with here. she lifts up, stroking him in her hand for a moment before she aligns them, and then sinks down until she's fully seated on his cock, breathing a sigh of relief to have him within her.]
There, now you're where you belong.